The Ugly Side of Being a Manager #MyManagerRuinedMyLife
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Today, let’s talk about the unspoken truth behind the viral #MyManagerRuinedMyLife and how not all managers are villains and not all employees are saints
We’ve all seen it. We’ve probably felt it. Micromanagers. Ego-driven leaders. Clueless decision-makers. There’s no shortage of horror stories, and many of them are absolutely valid.
There are bad managers. Managers who withhold information, take credit, belittle, manipulate, or simply shouldn’t be in the seat. And if you’ve had one, the impact sticks. It shapes how you see work, leadership, even yourself.
But here’s the thing no one says out loud enough: Not all managers are bad. And not all employees are good.
That part? We skip over it. Because it’s easier to point up than to look across.
The Other Side of the Story
For every nightmare manager story, there’s also one who:
Fought for your raise behind closed doors
Sat with you through your mistakes and coached you back up
Protected your mental health during chaos
Taught you how to handle pressure with grace
Gave you your first shot when others passed you over
But they don’t make it to the viral thread. They don’t trend. They just keep leading.
And on the flip side? Being an employee doesn’t automatically mean being respectful, open, or accountable.
Some team members are:
Passive-aggressive
Resistant to feedback
Gossip-prone
Blame deflectors
Energy drainers
Even bullies themselves
Seriously messed up and full of toxicity
Leadership isn’t a one-way street. It’s a daily dance between responsibility, relationship, and results.
If You’re a Manager, Here's What You Need to Know
When the default narrative is “managers = villains,” the burden’s on you to prove otherwise.
That’s not fair. But it is real.
So, how do you lead without falling into the trap?
1. Be hyper-aware of how you're showing up.
Are you fair in how you distribute feedback, praise, and opportunities?
Are you consistent in your expectations?
Do you follow through on what you say?
Are you actively leading your team, or just reacting to problems?
Leadership isn’t about being perfect. But it is about being intentional.
2. Be mindful of how you're perceived.
Your reputation travels faster than your job title.
What would your team say about you in a skip-level meeting?
If your name came up in a promotion or reorg conversation, would it trigger confidence or concern?
Would you want to work for you?
Leadership is as much about presence as it is about performance.
Here’s the Real Leadership Flex:
Balancing power with responsibility. Holding people accountable without punishing them. Leading with strength and humanity. And building the kind of culture where people do their best work, not because they fear you, but because they trust you.
5 Quick Ways to Shift the Narrative, Starting Now:
Check your emotional tone. Your stress is contagious. So is your calm.
Be clear and direct. No one thrives in ambiguity. Say what you mean, and say it early.
Catch people doing things right. Praise out loud. Feedback doesn't only mean “fix this.”
Document decisions, not drama. Protect yourself and your team with clarity, not hearsay.
Lead the room, not just the task. Pay attention to how energy flows when you speak. Adjust accordingly.
Power Moves: How Managers Can Flip the Narrative Today
You don’t have to wait for a new role, a new team, or a new HR cycle to shift how you're seen.
These power moves can start today, right where you are.
1. Create clarity before conflict.
Most tension stems from ambiguity. Define what’s expected. Define what success looks like. Write it. Share it. Refer to it often.
2. Ask for feedback, but not just from the loudest voices.
Don’t wait for a 360 review. Proactively ask:
“What’s something I could do differently that would help you thrive?” Listen. Don’t defend. Act visibly on one piece of it.
3. Protect your calendar like a CEO.
Block time for thinking, planning, and 1:1s. When you lead your time, you lead your energy, and your effectiveness skyrockets.
4. Show your receipts.
Keep a “leadership wins” folder, screenshots, emails, solved problems, team milestones. You’ll need it. For performance reviews. For promotion conversations. For your own sanity.
5. Build your manager-to-manager network.
Get close to other team leads. Understand their pressures. Create informal alliances. Leadership is less lonely when you have allies.
6. Narrate your leadership out loud.
Say things like:
“I’m flagging this early because I want to support you, not surprise you later.” “I’m following up here to make sure we stay aligned.” Let people see the care, structure, and thought behind your leadership style.
7. Coach up, not just down.
Manage your own manager. Keep them updated. Offer solutions. Ask questions. Shape how they see you, and how they speak about you when you're not in the room.
Strength, Humility & Survival: The Unspoken Line Managers Walk
Let’s get brutally honest.
Some of the most bullied managers, the ones overlooked, disrespected, or pushed aside, tend to fall into one of two categories:
1. The Kind Ones
Decent. Straightforward. Respectful. They lead with heart. They play it fair. They assume good work speaks for itself.
2. The Value-Driven Ones
Principled. High integrity. They don’t gossip, don’t manipulate, and refuse to play the game.
And while that’s admirable, here’s the danger: Kindness gets mistaken for weakness. Integrity gets labeled as naïve.
You’re not wrong for being decent. But if you want to survive leadership in the real world, here’s the truth:
You need more than a good heart. You need political IQ.
Not the shady kind. Not backstabbing. But understanding how influence works, how decisions are made, what conversations happen behind the doors, and how to be in (or close to) those rooms.
Here’s what that balance looks like:
Lead with values. But know when to escalate, when to document, and when to draw a line.
Stay kind. But never become a dumping ground for disrespect.
Be transparent. But also be strategic in how and when you speak.
Believe in people. But don’t ignore patterns and red flags.
You’re allowed to be both ethical and savvy. Both humble and firm. Both empathetic and sharp.
Because this isn’t just about being “a good person.” This is a job. And sometimes, protecting your team means protecting yourself first.
Final Word
“Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted, and showing up like it matters.” - Every grounded manager walking the tightrope between grace and grit
We love a villain story. But real leadership is rarely black or white. It lives in the grey, in the unseen effort, the quiet coaching, the emails you never forwarded, and the decisions you made that no one clapped for.
This isn’t a pity post for managers. It’s a reminder: you can lead well and still be misunderstood. You can be principled and still need political savvy. You can carry the weight and still hold the line.
Because being a manager isn’t just a title. It’s emotional labor. Strategic navigation. And sometimes? Survival with a smile.
🤔 What’s one thing you’ll do this week to lead from clarity, not just reaction?
📌 Know a people manager who’s quietly leading well, but feeling the pressure? Send this to them. Validation isn’t vanity, it’s fuel.
♻️ If this helped you feel seen, share it. There are managers out there who need to know they’re not the only ones doing this with heart.
✨ Want coaching that helps you lead with impact, presence, and emotional intelligence? That’s exactly what I offer. Let’s build your next level together.
“You’re allowed to be kind, clear, and powerful, all at once.”
Put that where the burnout tries to bite.
This article was brought to life by Rezan Manan ideas, voice, and perspective, shaped in collaboration with ChatGPT . A little human depth, a little AI magic.
Great things don’t start with a pitch. They start with a conversation. Book a free chemistry session to explore how coaching could support your next chapter. Want a feel for my style first? Meet me at my Coaching Space or browse more articles like this one.
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